Wait 'til the sun shines, Nellie.

Have you ever gone to the movie theater during the day?

You’re in this dark room for however long then when the movie is over, you step outside and the sun feels so much brighter and warmer than anything you have ever seen or felt before. 

That's how it feels when you get a break from the demons inside of you. You fight for so long then get a break. Each break gets better than the one before.

This break has been the best yet. 

Feeling a light so bright, warm, and welcoming is the most astonishing thing a person could ever experience. 

To question this light is normal, especially for someone fighting a battle as long as 10 years...but the question was answered in a dream with a song from someone who was so loved; my step father. He sang to me the old song "Wait til the sun shines, Nellie" and that's when I knew. 

I have been given a break from the demons inside of me and it has never felt so good before. 

I mean, fighting demons that live in your head telling you the worst things that you could possibly imagine, is the hardest fight any person could do. Trust me. There were times when ending it seemed so simple, yet so complicated at the same time. There were other times when I thought I was okay. 

You just have to wait until the sun shines. It might take a while, but oh...

Wait 'till the sun shines, Nellie
And the clouds go a-drifting by
We will be happy, Nellie
Don't you cry.

Where I Saw You Last

I went to the place where I saw you last...
At first, I was fine,
But as I continued walking around, the sadness just kept lingering.
It was supposed to be a quick trip, but it took longer with it being the holidays..
I miss you.
I hadn't seen you in a while, but I always thought about you.

I went to the place where I saw you last...
As my mother and I kept walking, tears welled up in my eyes.
She asked if we could go back and get some milk.
I nearly lost it.
She looked into my eyes and asked what was wrong,
I said "This is where I saw him last,"
"That was a long time ago," she said.
"I know, but I saw him here."
I can remember it like it was yesterday:
It was 10pm.
Finals week and I went out for some food. I searched down every aisle,
Just because I knew you were here, working.
I saw you.
I was so happy to see you, it had been a while.

I went to the place where I saw you last...
I didn't know the grocery store where I used to go all of the time..
Would turn into a place where I can barely walk.
Where I can barely speak..
I have to grip my arms tight and hug myself because it is so overwhelming.
The place where I saw you last...
I didn't know you were suffering so bad.
I miss you.
But the place where I saw you last...
It haunts me.

A Little Reminder.

Breathe. Just breathe. Everything may feel like it is falling apart or happening all at once, and it might be, but it is going to be okay and you are going to get through it. It is going to take time, but one day, it'll be okay. Until then, just breathe and remember that you have to be patient. It sucks, but time is everything and you are NOT alone. Just hang in there, okay?